Track and field and cycling are two of the most difficult sports to become elite in. These are two of the most physically and mentally exhausting sports around. Due to this difficulty, running and cycling see more cheaters than any other sport. Some of the greatest track runners, and bikers to ever grace to planet were later confirmed cheaters, and many believe that there were countless cheaters in the past who were never confirmed. Unfortunately, when talented athletes cheat, they are at an incredible advantage, and this often results in wins. This has sparked a massive debate in the athletic community. Many ask the question, should cheating athletes have to forfeit their medals? My short answer, absolutely. As a runner, I know how difficult it is to become competitive, let alone the best in the world. There are too many athletes who work too hard to have their achievements discredited by cheaters, so I believe cheaters in the sport should have their medals and records stripped. For example, Lance Armstrong was a 7 time Tour de France champion, but was discovered to have used absurd amounts of performance enhancing drugs, his medals and records were all stripped. Additionally, track star Ben Johnson won the Olympic 100m gold medal, but was discovered for doping, so his gold medal was given to 2nd place, Carl Lewis. I think these two examples show how the situations should be dealt with, and represent how to give proper consolidation to athletes cheated out of medals. Lastly, many believe that some of the greatest athletes in history were undiscovered cheaters, and believe that old records should be forgotten. This is not a viable solution, the sport must crack down on cheating today, and move forward with honesty and quality in the sport.
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
* The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
* Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
* The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
* Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB PRESENTING THE IDEA/PROBLEM AND QUICKLY OFFERING YOUR ANSWER/CLAIM TO THE IDEA AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TEXT.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . PROVIDE SOME MORE QUANTITATIVE OR QUALITATIVE EVIDENCE TO STRENGTHEN YOUR ARGUMENT.
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
* The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
* It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
* Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
* Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB OPENING WITH A MAIN OPINION AND INCLUDING A CALL TO ACTION AT THE END.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . YOU COULD POSSIBLY ADD SOME MORE TRANSITIONS BETWEEN TOPICS, OR INTRODUCE YOUR IDEAS IN THE INTRODUCTION.
Category 3: STYLE
* Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
* Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
* Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
* Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB MENTIONING YOUR ETHOS AND CREDIBILITY AS A RUNNER YOURSELF SO THE AUDIENCE KNOWS YOU ARE A TRUSTWORTHY WRITER.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . USE SOME MORE RHETORICAL STRATEGIES TO ELEVATE YOUR WRITING AND TAKE THIS TEXT TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
Idea Development
PRAISE: You did a good job identifying your opinion and staying consistent with it throughout your whole piece.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD add some more statistical evidence to make your reasons more credible and convincing.
Organization
PRAISE: You did a good job with your introduction having a thesis and then supporting that thesis with evidence in the rest of your piece.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD define your reasons better by listing them in your introduction paragraph and then talking about them more independently from one another.
Style
PRAISE: You did a good job using Pathos to bring in your personal experience of being a runner and understanding the physical and mental dedication to the sport.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD maybe use more paragraphs to divide up your writing into more defined topics of discussion.
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
* The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
* Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
* The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
* Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD HOB AT FOCUSING IN ON A SINGULAR TOPIC TO ARGUE ABOUT. THE CLAIM IS STATED EARLY IN THE ESSAY WHICH HELPS THE AUDIENCE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE ARGUING FOR.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD PROVIDE SOME EVIDENCE THAT BACK UP YOUR CLAIMS. ALSO, YOU COULD ADD ANOTHER PERSON’S OPINIONS TO BACK UP YOUR CLAIM.
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
* The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
* It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
* Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
* Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT INCLUDING A MAIN OPINION AT THE BEGINNING AND ENDING WITH A CALL TO ACTION. YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT INCLUDING A HEADLINE THAT CONNECTS TO THE MAIN IDEA.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD ADD SOME TRANSITIONS TO KEEP YOUR AUDIENCE ENGAGED. YOU COULD BREAK UP YOUR PAGE INTO PARAGRAPHS
Category 3: STYLE
* Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
* Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
* Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
* Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB USING TONE THAT SUPPORTS YOUR PURPOSE AND ENGAGED THE AUDIENCE. YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT CONNECTING TO YOUR AUDIENCE WITH PATHOS.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD USE ALL MORE LOGOS AND ETHOS TO ELEVATE YOUR WRITING. YOU COULD CRAFT A MORE PERSUASIVE ESSAY USING MORE LITERARY STRATEGIES.
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
* The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
* Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
* The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
* Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD HOB AT FOCUSING IN ON A SINGULAR TOPIC TO ARGUE ABOUT. THE CLAIM IS STATED EARLY IN THE ESSAY WHICH HELPS THE AUDIENCE UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE ARGUING FOR.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD PROVIDE SOME EVIDENCE THAT BACK UP YOUR CLAIMS. ALSO, YOU COULD ADD ANOTHER PERSON’S OPINIONS TO BACK UP YOUR CLAIM.
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
* The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
* It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
* Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
* Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT INCLUDING A MAIN OPINION AT THE BEGINNING AND ENDING WITH A CALL TO ACTION. YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT INCLUDING A HEADLINE THAT CONNECTS TO THE MAIN IDEA.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD ADD SOME TRANSITIONS TO KEEP YOUR AUDIENCE ENGAGED. YOU COULD BREAK UP YOUR PAGE INTO PARAGRAPHS
Category 3: STYLE
* Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
* Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
* Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
* Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: YOU DO A GOOD JOB USING TONE THAT SUPPORTS YOUR PURPOSE AND ENGAGED THE AUDIENCE. YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT CONNECTING TO YOUR AUDIENCE WITH PATHOS.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD USE ALL MORE LOGOS AND ETHOS TO ELEVATE YOUR WRITING. YOU COULD CRAFT A MORE PERSUASIVE ESSAY USING MORE LITERARY STRATEGIES.
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
* The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
* Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
* The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
* Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
I LIKE HOW YOU HAD INTRODUCED THE BEGINNING, AND A NICE FLOW THROUGHOUT. HOWEVER, I THINK THE EXAMPLES YOU GAVE KIND OF THREW THE ESSAY OUT OF THE TRACK. HAVE YOU PERHAPS CONSIDERED HOW PEOPLE CONSIDERED THAT TO BE BAD?
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
* The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
* It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
* Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
* Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
I THINK OVERALL, YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB, GIVING OVERSIGHT AND BACKGROUND TOWARDS YOUR SUBJECT, THEN ADDRESSING YOUR VIEWS. ONE OF THE BIGGEST THINGS I CAN SUGGEST IS THE USE OF PARAGRAPHS, RATHER THAN WRITING OUT A LARGE CHUNK, IT WILL HELP ORGANIZE YOUR WRITING BETTER.
Category 3: STYLE
* Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
* Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
* Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
* Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE:
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . .
I LIKE HOW YOU DRAWN BACK TO YOUR OWN BACKGROUND, ADDING TO A LEVEL OF CREDABILITY. THE LAST PART, TALKING OF HISTORY, I DON’T THINK YOU NEED IT, OR JUST SHORTEN IT AND PUT IT SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Category 1: IDEA DEVELOPMENT
* The column adequately develops a position and has a main idea with a focused topic, opinion and reasons for the opinion.
* Columnist states the claim early or strategically in the conclusion..
* The column uses at least two types of evidence to back up its reasons, and all reasons are supported with evidence.
* Provides integrated textual evidence with proper acknowledgement of information.
PRAISE: I LIKE THE ORGANIZATION OF THE PAPER AND THE EFFORT PUT INTO THE WRITTING.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . YOU COULD BE A LITTLE MORE CLEAR WITH THE MESSAGE THAT IS BEING PORTRAYED.
Category 2: ORGANIZATION
* The persuasive column includes a main opinion at the beginning and a call to action at the end.
* It includes transitions that connect ideas, though they may be formulaic or predictable.
* Writer consistently separates ideas into distinct paragraphs.
* Includes a headline that connects to the main idea.
PRAISE: I LIKE THE IDEAS LISTED IN THE WRITTING AND YOU DO A GOOD JOB AT HIGHLIGHTING IMPORTANT DETAILS.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . YOU COULD BE A BIT MORE CLEAR BY WRITTING MORE.
Category 3: STYLE
* Uses a tone that supports purpose and audience.
* Writer relates to, connects with, and appeals to their audience with ethos, pathos, and logos.
* Writer crafts persuasion with effective and appropriate rhetorical strategies (antithesis, rhetorical question, repetition, parallelism, juxtaposition).
* Grammar and mechanics are generally free from errors.
PRAISE: I THINK THE STYLE IS GOOD AND KEEPS THE READER ENGAGED.
SUGGESTION: YOU COULD . . . . BE A LITTLE MORE CREATIVE AND MORE UNIQUE WITH THE WRITING STYLE.